If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
