I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize