check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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