i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize