Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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