She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
