omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
