im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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