...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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