Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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