if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
