Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
