he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The convent might be a nice break from real life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
