She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
