You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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