you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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