You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize