so that wasnt chicken after all
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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