I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
