Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
