if i died would you start the facebook group?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
