The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
