I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
