No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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