I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
