But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
