just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
