I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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