Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
People in love make me want to vomit
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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