Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We left the knife in your bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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