My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize