And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
