he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
