Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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