so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
