He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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