Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
