you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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