enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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