i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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