it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
