I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
