I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
