mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
