If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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