then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
