I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
