I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
