A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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