I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
