This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
