so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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