Screwed.edu
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
