The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
