i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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