My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
