I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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