you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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