Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
