Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
