so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
