What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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