she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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