she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
