Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
