I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
