the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
