I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
