waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
