forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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