Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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