My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
